Wednesday, 25 May 2011


I was wondering about apples today. Not the delicious kind, but the smug over priced ones you find in pretentious artily laid out shops.
basically i was thinking, is there anything only those computers can do.
sure the confident clerk with his thick rimed spectacles and fashionable face fungus will tell you that 'its unlike any computer' and 'it takes your computing experience to a whole new level' but to be honest its just another computer, granted its nice and shiny and it seems a bit stronger than the old plastic one but at the end of the day the cheap o Asus one does seem to be able to perform the same tasks with comparable ease.
now i have spent some time thinking of anything the apple can do that the windows cant and then it struck me!
the one thing that the apple can do and the windows cannot.

( alt,shift,K )


Friday, 13 May 2011


Its happened, it was only a matter of time really, inevitable if you will but its happened now, and there’s no going back, I have reached a new level of pretentiousness.
I am of course talking to you from an American franchised food outlet to which I have brought my apple laptop and am connected to the free Wi-Fi service in order to BLOG.
This to me does seem to be the most pretentious a person can be with ought ACTUALLY moving to Cambridge, buying a knitted cardigan and growing a beard but to be honest in the words of out lord and saviour ‘I can see the appeal’ because as a means of killing time I can certainly think of a lot worse.
The only downside is that I am adding ‘southwest sauce’ to the growing list of things that are in my keyboard which is going to become a problem in the near future but this aside the American franchised food establishment is winning me over as a place to be pretentious. Its definitely better than the train as my only worries here are spilling food on my computer where as on the train there’s missing your stop to worry about not to mention the risk of knife wielding terrorists with bombs made from sun cream (if you read the daily mail that is)
No, the only thing stopping me from staying here all day in fact is the realisation that I have now killed more than enough time and am now running a bit late!
So time to upload this baby to the net using the reliable public wi-f… oh

oh well, it was good while it lasted!

Sunday, 8 May 2011

grab a cuppa, heres a biscuit


today iv been trying to be a comedy writer, i wrote this article for news biscuit
do enjoy

Germany to change its national anthem to Fleetwood mac.

Following another formula 1 victory by Sebastian Vettel the German president Christian Wulff has decided to push for a change of the increasingly familiar German national anthem in favour of Fleetwood mac’s “the chain”.
This is not the first time the issue of the German national anthem has been raised. The Germans have dominated formula 1 for years with Michael Schumacher being the first to put the old national anthem’s play count through the roof.
                                          above, seb celebrates change in national anthem

Mick Fleetwood has made a statement saying “believe me this news has not gone over my head, I am aware that the eyes of the world will be on this news and I will not simply be closing my eyes to it. The way I feel about the situation is that although the song is miles away from the original the people of Germany will not be dissatisfied with it.” Fleetwood also spoke about the conspiracy that he had made a deal with the German president to plug his records “I’m not going through this all over again” he said when questioned about it “I don’t know why people keep going on about it, we just wanted to help Germany update its image but oh well, the anthem is being changed and they’re never going back again
Bernie Eecclestone has applauded the decision and stated “I’m glad the Germans have decided to update their national anthem, frankly I’m sick of it and so are the band”
The original anthem has been used since 1922 so is long overdue for a change.
In 1966 there were talks of changing it to the match of the day song but it was later dropped.
A small group of German traditionalists have protested against the change, arguing that changing the national anthem will break the chain of German history.
Wulff has spoken out against the protesters saying “the protesters are running in the shadows of yesterday and need to learn to love Germany or else they may never love it again” he added “the chain keeps us together and will be a great national anthem for our fine country”
People in favour of the change have said that the sky is the limit for Germany, suggesting a change of the flag to a more chequered arrangement and the name of the country to Fleetwood Germany, but as yet these claims have been dismissed as rumours.

To see it on news biscuit have a look here ->
and who knows, maby on the front page in weeks to come!

Friday, 6 May 2011

BIG NEWS! (nothings changed)

the UK has firmly denied the alternative vote in favor of the age old system that brought us such delight as Margaret thatcher and the good old lib dem/tory coalition.
to be fair to first past the post it is a tried and tested method and in most cases it does work and to be honest the only reason i voted yes was a vain attempt to 'fight the power' but id still like to see if it would work.
but when i come to power THIS is how we will do it.
all the party leaders will have to go into the big brother house of commons and perform tasks such as 'reduce the deficit' and 'improve the NHS' then each week the public will vote one off and the last one remaining after however many weeks it takes will run the country until the next series.
the system will be called 'big society' not to be confused with 'THE big society' which is a crazy ploy by david cameron in which we wants us to buy LITERALLY EVERYTHING.