Thursday, 23 June 2011

Elephant in the tent

as we know there is much taboo associated with 'alternative living conditions' most of which cannot be discussed for fear of causing offence however i feel the need to address the elephant in the tent ,caravan or canal boat because i think this is a perfectly reasonable way to live.
i must explain my motives for this as under normal circumstances i do live in a house so making such a statement would be like being told "were all in this recession together" by a privately educated multi millionaire named dave.
but yes as i was saying i am currently living in a tent owing to the fact my room is currently a building site complete with old radio, carcinogenic dust and very slow worker so i am currently measuring a solid 9 on the gypsy scale but to be honest i don't care!
if anything the tent has been a welcome change.
not only does it offer ample shelter from the glorious british summertime but it also offers a mildly amusing talking point to bring up in conversation at random for instance, "ah mann, it was so windy last night" "yes i thought my tent would blow away" "you live in a tent?" "damn straight..."
etc etc.
i think this unreasonable taboo should be stamped out and people should embrace the idea of alternative housing methods, after all northern rock cant reposes your tent.

Room for improvement

i have decided to direct my attention to the increasingly squalid conditions in which i live and re decorate my room.
this seemed like a good idea some 2 weeks ago and still does deep down while im sanding away at the ceiling with the power sander and inhaling what is almost certainly carcinogenic dust as it falls in vast quantities from the ceiling.
truth be told i should have listened to fat john when he said in his infinite wisdom "plastering ceilings is very difficult" and yes i should have listened to the man in jewsons when he said in his learned opinion "plastering ceilings is a bitch of a job" but no. in my arrogance i blundered through and 2 weeks and 12 litres of 'b&q plaster repair and skim' later and where there once were horrible artex stalagmites there is a lovely smooth ceiling.. well pretty smooth.
next on the engender is choosing a colour. this sounds easy but turns out to be a lot more difficult that you'd think.
i wanted green and white because i like those colours however you cant just go in to the shop and have a 'tin of green' no, they have some lovely lime zest 4 or you could have some forest fern 6? or maybe if those don't take your fancy a splash of kiwi dive 2 can never go a miss....
this is insane! even white isn't a simple process, theres hessian white, creme white , rum white, kiwi white and i could easily go on so i will lemon zest white, lime white, aqua white blah blah blah.
as you may have realised i am obsessed with perfection with these kind of things so it will undoubtedly be a masterpiece when i do decide on a paint but seeing as the ceiling has taken 2 weeks i shudder to think how long my ambitions plans of an insane desk with computer screens rising up from it will take.